She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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