I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
