I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
