I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This is my gift to your gina
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
