at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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