you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
