Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
