Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
