she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
