Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
