so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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