so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
