K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
