ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
