No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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