it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
40s are totally the cure
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
