I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
