if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sarcasm needs its own font
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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