I'm so fucking centered right now
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What a dumb baby whore.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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