may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
