i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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