hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
