If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
