i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
