Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
