Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She announced her abortion via fbk
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
