I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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