Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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