What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
