Plan B is the new Plan A
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
