Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it hurts more in the daytime
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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