The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
