she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Is it because I queefed?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
