I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
His nipple licking is glorious
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
