3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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