You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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