During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
