The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
