I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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