I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
