i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
