Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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