I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
