Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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