I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
