FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
