Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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