K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
