I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
