I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
