Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
