She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
