mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
and eventually we just all took our pants off
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
