I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
