I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
