I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
