i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
