We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
