there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
