there's paper in my vomit.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
