what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I cut my penus on the lid.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
