I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
