I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
