just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
