apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
