You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
