Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
