grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
