She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
